


I’ll cut my hair

by twoheartsx



Series: Yut-Lung healing [1]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Hurt with a little comfort, Mentions of past abuse, Unrequited Love, Yut-Lung cuts his hair, spoilers for the end of the manga and garden of light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 19:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16290575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoheartsx/pseuds/twoheartsx
Summary: This was an act of achieving freedom. For Yut-Lung this was a tiny victory.





	I’ll cut my hair

**Author's Note:**

> This idea randomly hit me and I had to write it. I might do one where he talks to Blanca with his new hair cut if anyone would like to see that. Or maybe even sing since they didn’t speak in this.

It was a statement. It was something he wanted and as he brought the scissors to his hair he felt something flare up in him. Fear, if he went through with this his brothers would be angry. He remembered his brothers were no more. He wouldn’t be scorned, cursed at or even beaten for cutting his hair. It was his hair, his body, to do with as he willed. And so with a deep breath, Yut-Lung cut his hair. As if a weight lifted off his shoulders as he watched the hair fall into the sink below. He cried, tears of sorrow for all the time spent scared and tears of joy because he was free. He didn’t have to fear his brothers anymore. Never again would anyone bruise him and control him. No one would own him ever again. 

He cut it to just past his ears. He dropped the scissors in the sink and sat down on the floor, sobbing into his own hands. Something that was such a simple thing to others was an act of rebellion. A sign of his freedom. No longer was he forced to dress, to speak, to behave like his brothers willed. This was his first step to healing. 

~

“Hey, I cut my hair and you grow yours out.” Yut-Lung called out as he took a seat next to Eiji. The photographer was sitting at a table in the back of the room. Sing’s wife was holding a baby shower. Apparently they were having a child. 

“Your hair looks nice.” Eiji replied, smiling slightly. Yut-Lung took a seat next to him, turning to watch as Akira and Sing prepared to cut the cake. 

“Do you think he loves her?” Yut-Lung asked, picking up his drink. He took a sip and watched as they reviled it was a girl. Akira looked ecstatic and Sing just smiled at his wife. 

“In some ways.” Eiji replied with a shrug. He picked up his own drink and took a sip of it. 

“Can we take a walk? I wanna talk to you. Alone.” Yut-Lung asked as he stood up. Eiji hesitated for a moment and then stood up. The two of them walked out of the building. Sing had choose a beautiful place for his baby shower. Maybe Akira picked it. It didn’t matter much, it was still a pretty place. Yut-Lung stopped and turned around to face Eiji. 

“I wanted to say, I’m sorry.” Yut-Lung said. He watched a look of surprise spread over Eiji’s face. “I was jealous of you, of him. I was jealous that everyone got a happy ending except me.” Yut-Lung smiled a bitter, sad smile. “In the end, I guess neither of us got a happy ending.” 

“I forgive you.” Eiji replied, taking Yut-Lung’s hand in his own. “You were awful, but you’ve never known kindness. You still don’t. You’ve never been loved, but I know you’ve lost something important before.” 

“I wanted to believe I’d become indestructible. I want to be safe from getting hurt again.” Yut-Lung felt tears well up in his eyes. “I’m sure you must know what it’s like to be unable to return people's feelings.” 

“I could never love anyone like I did Ash. We went through so much together. I couldn’t ever feel that with anyone else.” Eiji reached up, wiping a tear from Yut-Lung’s cheek. “It pains you to see Sing married and having a child with her doesn’t it?” 

“A little bit. I guess some dumb part of me was hoping someone out there might see the good in me. Like you once saw in Ash.” Yut-Lung could tell the name was bitter sweet for Eiji. He wondered how many nights Eiji had woke up sobbing. How many times did Eiji hear the name Ash and quickly turn around only to see it wasn’t his Ash. How often did he look at the photos and break into sobs because of what he’d lost and what he’d never have. 

“We both know that we had to let Sing go. You and I can’t love him like he needs.” Eiji pulled Yut-Lung close, hugging him. Yut-Lung slowly relaxed into the hug, resting his head on Eiji’s shoulder. 

“Maybe someday I’ll find someone who’ll see the good in me. Who will love me the way I need and I’ll love them how they need.” Yut-Lung whispered, sobbing into Eiji’s shoulder. He could feel the older male crying along with him. 

“Don’t let them go if you do. Don’t make the mistake I did.” Eiji whispered. “Just stay by them.” 

“Forever.” Yut-Lung whispered, not even realize how much weight that word held for Eiji. One single word that wouldn’t ever leave Eiji. A single word that held him relentlessly.


End file.
